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dead_man_walking

Navy Life

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Senior Moderator
4,798 posts
1,924 battles

So to kick things off on a light hearted trip down memory lane who else remembers living in a mess like this?  (and get's the same feeling when someone complains about having to "share" a room?)

 

6y2vc3.jpg

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WG Staff
606 posts
447 battles

I still like this very old article (<--sauce)

 

 How to Simulate Being in the Navy

Some Ways For Old Salts to Simulate Being in the Navy

1.  Lock all friends and family outside.  Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbours have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five. 

2.  Surround yourself with 200 people that you don't really know or like: people who smoke, snore like Mack trucks going uphill, and use foul  language like a child uses sugar on cereal. 

3.  Unplug all radios and TVs to completely cut yourself off from the outside world.  Have a neighbour bring you a Time, Newsweek, or  Proceedings from five years ago to keep you abreast of current events. 

4.  Monitor all home appliances hourly, recording all vital information  (ie: plugged in, lights come on when doors open, etc) 

5.  Do not flush the toilet for five days to simulate the smell of 40  people using the same commode. 

6.  Lock the bathroom twice a day for a four hour period. 

7.  Wear only military uniforms.  Even though nobody cares, clean and  press one dress uniform and wear it for 20 minutes. 

8.  Cut your hair weekly, making it shorter each time, until you look  bald or look like you lost a fight with a demented sheep. 

9.  Work in 19-hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a time, to ensure that your body does not know or even care if it is day or night. 

10.  Listen to your favourite CD 6 times a day for two weeks, then play  music that causes acute nausea until you are glad to get back to your  favourite CD. 

11.  Cut a twin mattress in half and enclose three sides of your bed.   Add a roof that prevents you from sitting up (about 10 inches is a good  distance) then place it on a platform that is four feet off the floor.   Place a small dead animal under the bed to simulate the smell of your bunkmate's socks.

12.  Set your alarm to go off at 10 minute intervals for the first hour of sleep to simulate the various times the watchstanders and nightcrew  bump around and wake you up.  Place your bed on a rocking table to ensure you are tossed around the remaining three hours.  Make use of a  custom clock that randomly simulates fire alarms, police sirens,  helicopter crash alarms, and a new-wave rock band. 

13.  Have week old fruit and vegetables delivered to your garage and  wait two weeks before eating them. 

14.  Prepare all meals blindfolded using all the spices you can grope for, or none at all. Remove the blindfold and eat everything in three minutes. 

15.  Periodically, shut off all power at the main circuit breaker and run around shouting "fire, fire, fire" and then restore power. 

16. At least once a month, force the commode to overflow to simulate a  'black water system' boo-boo. 

17.  Buy a gas mask and smear it with rancid animal fat.  Scrub the  faceshield with steel wool until you can no longer see out of it.  Wear  this for two hours every fifth day especially when you are in the  bathroom. 

18.  Study the owner's manual for all household appliances.  Routinely  take an appliance apart and put it back together. 

19.  Remove all plants, pictures and decorations.  Paint everything  gray, white, or the shade of hospital smocks. 

20.  Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls.  Ensure one of these two rolls is wet all the time. 

21.  Smash your forehead or shins with a hammer every two days to  simulate collision injuries sustained onboard Navy ships. 

22.  When making sandwiches, leave the bread out for six days, or until  it is hard and stale.

23.   Every 10 weeks, simulate a visit to another port.  Go directly to the city slums wearing your best clothes.  Find the worst looking place,  and ask for the most expensive beer that they carry.  Drink as many as  you can in four hours.  Take a cab home taking the longest possible  route.  Tip the cabby after he charges you double because you dress  funny and don't speak right. 

24.  Use fresh milk for only two days after each port visit. 

25.  Keep the bedroom thermostat at 2 deg C and use only a thin blanket  for warmth. 

26.  Ensure that the water heater is connected to a device that provides  water at a flow rate that varies from a fast drip to a weak trickle, with the temperature alternating rapidly from -2 to 95 deg C. 

27.  Use only spoons which hold a minimum of 1/2 cup at a time. 

28.  Repaint the interior of your home every month, whether it needs it  or not. 

29. Remind yourself every day: 'it's not just a job, it's an adventure!' 

30. Mix kerosene with your water supply to simulate the de-sal plant on the ship picking up JP5 in the intake -- if a lit match thrown into your coffee pot doesn't ignite it, add more kerosene.  

31.  Stand outside at attention at dawn and have the poorest reader you know read the morning paper outloud.  Be sure to have him skip over anything pertinent. 

32.  Every four hours, check the fluid level in your car's radiator.  Check the tire pressure and replace air lost from excessive pressure checks.  Be sure to place red tag on ignition stating "DANGER:  DO NOT OPERATE" while you perform these checks. Inform your neighbor as to the results of these checks, have him tell you to repeat the checks because he did not see you perform them. 

33.  Paint your house grey (exterior) include windows except for rooms you do not frequent, paint your car grey, paint your driveway a different shade of grey. 

34.  Wait outside your dining area as a family member eats a meal, then have that person serve you a meal prepared several hours earlier. 

35.  Shut all blinds and doors at sunset. 

36.  Clean your house 'till there's absolutely not a speck of dust anywhere.  Call on a stranger to come inspect your house.  Ensure stranger sees dust that has collected in the time it took to find him.  Stranger cannot leave until he finds irrational fault with your house/belongings.   

37.  Hang Christmas lights in June.  When the neighbors ask, say,  "deceptive lighting." 

38.  Hang white lights when relatives visit.  When neighbors ask, say, "friendship lights."

 

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Member
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I still like this very old article (<--sauce)

 

 How to Simulate Being in the Navy

Some Ways For Old Salts to Simulate Being in the Navy

1.  Lock all friends and family outside.  Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbours have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five. 

2.  Surround yourself with 200 people that you don't really know or like: people who smoke, snore like Mack trucks going uphill, and use foul  language like a child uses sugar on cereal. 

3.  Unplug all radios and TVs to completely cut yourself off from the outside world.  Have a neighbour bring you a Time, Newsweek, or  Proceedings from five years ago to keep you abreast of current events. 

4.  Monitor all home appliances hourly, recording all vital information  (ie: plugged in, lights come on when doors open, etc) 

5.  Do not flush the toilet for five days to simulate the smell of 40  people using the same commode. 

6.  Lock the bathroom twice a day for a four hour period. 

7.  Wear only military uniforms.  Even though nobody cares, clean and  press one dress uniform and wear it for 20 minutes. 

8.  Cut your hair weekly, making it shorter each time, until you look  bald or look like you lost a fight with a demented sheep. 

9.  Work in 19-hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a time, to ensure that your body does not know or even care if it is day or night. 

10.  Listen to your favourite CD 6 times a day for two weeks, then play  music that causes acute nausea until you are glad to get back to your  favourite CD. 

11.  Cut a twin mattress in half and enclose three sides of your bed.   Add a roof that prevents you from sitting up (about 10 inches is a good  distance) then place it on a platform that is four feet off the floor.   Place a small dead animal under the bed to simulate the smell of your bunkmate's socks.

12.  Set your alarm to go off at 10 minute intervals for the first hour of sleep to simulate the various times the watchstanders and nightcrew  bump around and wake you up.  Place your bed on a rocking table to ensure you are tossed around the remaining three hours.  Make use of a  custom clock that randomly simulates fire alarms, police sirens,  helicopter crash alarms, and a new-wave rock band. 

13.  Have week old fruit and vegetables delivered to your garage and  wait two weeks before eating them. 

14.  Prepare all meals blindfolded using all the spices you can grope for, or none at all. Remove the blindfold and eat everything in three minutes. 

15.  Periodically, shut off all power at the main circuit breaker and run around shouting "fire, fire, fire" and then restore power. 

16. At least once a month, force the commode to overflow to simulate a  'black water system' boo-boo. 

17.  Buy a gas mask and smear it with rancid animal fat.  Scrub the  faceshield with steel wool until you can no longer see out of it.  Wear  this for two hours every fifth day especially when you are in the  bathroom. 

18.  Study the owner's manual for all household appliances.  Routinely  take an appliance apart and put it back together. 

19.  Remove all plants, pictures and decorations.  Paint everything  gray, white, or the shade of hospital smocks. 

20.  Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls.  Ensure one of these two rolls is wet all the time. 

21.  Smash your forehead or shins with a hammer every two days to  simulate collision injuries sustained onboard Navy ships. 

22.  When making sandwiches, leave the bread out for six days, or until  it is hard and stale.

23.   Every 10 weeks, simulate a visit to another port.  Go directly to the city slums wearing your best clothes.  Find the worst looking place,  and ask for the most expensive beer that they carry.  Drink as many as  you can in four hours.  Take a cab home taking the longest possible  route.  Tip the cabby after he charges you double because you dress  funny and don't speak right. 

24.  Use fresh milk for only two days after each port visit. 

25.  Keep the bedroom thermostat at 2 deg C and use only a thin blanket  for warmth. 

26.  Ensure that the water heater is connected to a device that provides  water at a flow rate that varies from a fast drip to a weak trickle, with the temperature alternating rapidly from -2 to 95 deg C. 

27.  Use only spoons which hold a minimum of 1/2 cup at a time. 

28.  Repaint the interior of your home every month, whether it needs it  or not. 

29. Remind yourself every day: 'it's not just a job, it's an adventure!' 

30. Mix kerosene with your water supply to simulate the de-sal plant on the ship picking up JP5 in the intake -- if a lit match thrown into your coffee pot doesn't ignite it, add more kerosene.  

31.  Stand outside at attention at dawn and have the poorest reader you know read the morning paper outloud.  Be sure to have him skip over anything pertinent. 

32.  Every four hours, check the fluid level in your car's radiator.  Check the tire pressure and replace air lost from excessive pressure checks.  Be sure to place red tag on ignition stating "DANGER:  DO NOT OPERATE" while you perform these checks. Inform your neighbor as to the results of these checks, have him tell you to repeat the checks because he did not see you perform them. 

33.  Paint your house grey (exterior) include windows except for rooms you do not frequent, paint your car grey, paint your driveway a different shade of grey. 

34.  Wait outside your dining area as a family member eats a meal, then have that person serve you a meal prepared several hours earlier. 

35.  Shut all blinds and doors at sunset. 

36.  Clean your house 'till there's absolutely not a speck of dust anywhere.  Call on a stranger to come inspect your house.  Ensure stranger sees dust that has collected in the time it took to find him.  Stranger cannot leave until he finds irrational fault with your house/belongings.   

37.  Hang Christmas lights in June.  When the neighbors ask, say,  "deceptive lighting." 

38.  Hang white lights when relatives visit.  When neighbors ask, say, "friendship lights."

 

you will get PTSD after that :amazed:

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[LBAS]
Beta Tester
327 posts

What idiot wants to sleep in a torpedo tubes?

 

Perhaps as a discipline punishment it might works tremendously well :trollface:
Edited by spixys

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[SIF]
Super Tester
3,842 posts
4,140 battles

3fwd mess coffin lockers, got to love em!!

 

Nice thread Dead, but cartoon corner is going to ruin it for you

 

As it does with just about every thread on the forums.

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Member
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Perhaps as a discipline punishment it might works tremendously well :trollface:

 

punishment: next time if you sleep in the tubes again, captain will order a menu fire on that tube and shoot you out of the sub

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Member
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Isn't Navy life should look like this ?

 

2jdq93o.png

 

From my experience during my time doing the tour at Naval Infantry, I gotta say the actual naval life is very, very different from that animé often depict.

 

1. Cramped space.

Deal with it, there's not enough dorm even for everyone, so even bunk gotta share. You might find it kinda weird sleeping on someone's bunk that had been through a damn hard day. Full of sweaty smell, Swiss cheese and stuff. And you cannot open the window. Fortunately, I was an infantry so most of the time I didn't have to cramp into these; but everytime I did, me and my squad gotta clean it up.

2. Uncomfortable bunk

Well, nobody is immune from naussea. Cramped dorm and stagnant air also making it worse. The first few weeks you'd hardly got a full sleep - everytime you start doing your business, you really got the feeling like is that me or the guy on top/down bottom are jerking off really, really bad. Thank God, I spent a major of my time on static land, not rollercoaster coffin.

3. Edible chow

You can't expect the daily meal to be l'haute cuisine, but at least, please, don't be that bad. Three years, and now I will never be a good cook again, I mean, I can't find the difference between pork and beef anymore. They're all meaty, salty, and edible. Rice, bread, nutrion bar, precook package (i.e MREs), they all taste the same now.

4. Consipation and queueing

Fiber ain't a good supplement to carry on to troops so consipation is a big issue. Also, it ain't hotel, so in every deck level there often have only 2 restroom with 3-4 closets each. And they are hierarchy as @#!*$! So you start a vicious cycle: you hold it, you make it worse and if things go worse, you hold it. Yep. So most of us start using diaper again. And the dorm getting more and more cheesy.

5. Loneliness

There's a dilemma: the first few weeks you cried every night due to homesickness and total lack of communication; you feel lonely. After that you're too damn tired everytime you go back to your bunk to even chatting, you feel even more lonely.

 

Well, join the Navy they said... Don't get me wrong, these are the best days of my life I've ever had and I'd never want to trade it for another. It just some experience that might be helpful for some boys who would really want to become men. "There's no pure gold without the hot coal".

 

Maybe some of these "words" would sounds very bad, but I really don't want it to be deleted. If possible, moderators, you could rephrase it to something nicer if that's what you aimed for. Sorry for my vocabs isn't that good in term of "good vocabs"...

Edited by jchen8792

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Member
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not quite, you just need something bigger than a useless 5", that's all if you know what I really, really mean... :D

 

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